I wanted to share with you all a journal entry that I wrote on the 29th of December 2021. I like this idea. I want to share with you emotion and real life. What else do we have if not complete honesty and transparency? I hope you enjoy this type of blog post.
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“Well, the year is almost up. 2021, a year that will never return. Some will say thank God, that it’s been the worst year yet but a lot has to be learned from this year. In a world where everything is at our highest convenience, a world where life is ‘easier’ than it has ever been, a world where absolutely everything is predictable, complete chaos outbroke. Proving to us once again that we really have no clue what’s going on and to stop acting like it.
This year we were smacked in the face with the reality that anything could happen and it’s about time we stop living as if we have forever. We don’t. It is hard not to get caught up in society and its control on the way we live our lives but I think we must remember to be present and grateful for what we have now.
I am tired. I worry. Why? My emotions get stored up as irrational fears and sometimes it can be quite uncontrollable. Yet, there is so many aspects of my life that I don’t worry about. It has always been a part of my personality to be laid back and relaxed about everything. Is this a lie? Was this a front? Was that me, or am I just different now? I suppose we all have our concerns that may be irrational. I feel anxious and try to understand it. Do you think I don’t fully understand it, or do you think I burry my emotions?
Sometimes I can’t tell if I am feeling something. What does that mean? How can I not tell? Things that are supposed to hurt me may not in that moment, but it seems that I am either a horrible person or I burry all important and large emotion. Is there a time where you feel no emotion at all? Is that even possible? Most people suffer with too many emotions, what if you can suffer from too little, or an inability to feel them? I don’t know. Probably. What I do know is that trying to understand and unravel the most deepest workings of your soul is exhausting and complicated.
I think it’s supposed to feel that way, I mean what else is it supposed to feel like? Can you unravel too much? Can you leave yourself with nothing? I always have so many questions for this universe. There is yet so much to understand. I hope to learn until the day I die. Can you relate to this?“
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I can’t remember what was happening this day. I don’t have the answers to everything and especially not about myself. I hope you can embrace the emotions you feel, even the shameful ones and try to express them. This is what I am trying to do here. This blog is such a comforting avenue to share. Thank you for this.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post and that it gave you some comfort today. Life is not always good and that is okay. Something I need to remember this week.
Love always,
Mairi
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