Hello everyone. How are you today? I hope your week has gone well so far!
Today I fancied having a chat with you about a topic that I must admit – I don’t fully understand. I have been reading a book called “The Mountain is You” by Brianna Wiest. This book is your guide to transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery.
What are self-destructive habits? Brianna’s definition is this. “Self-sabotage is when you have two conflicting desires. One is conscious, one is unconscious. You know how you want to move your life forward, and yet you are still, for some reason, stuck.”
She suggests that our behaviours, thoughts and opinions step up to get in the way of our true desires as there is something about reaching those goals that scare us or challenge us or force us to be uncomfortable. The body and mind like to stay comfortable. This is why anything good for us is hard. It’s change. It forces us to adapt and grow – this is difficult for the body. This is good difficult.
There seems to be hundreds of ways in which people can inhibit self-destructive habits. It is something that I believe everyone does. No matter how emotionally intelligent or aware you may be.
I haven’t finished the book yet – I’m very close.
Brianna suggests quite a number of ways self-sabotage can show up in your life.
- Resistance – can never get things done.
- Hitting your upper limit – you are only allowing yourself to feel a certain amount of ‘good’.
- Uprooting – jumping from one relationship to another or running away from things when you’ve been there for too long.
- Perfectionism – nothing is ever good enough.
- Limited emotional processing skills – avoiding pain.
- Justification – your life is measured by your outcomes, not your intentions.
- Disorganisation – untidy house or space.
- Attachment to what you don’t really want – wanting what others have, not staying true to yourself.
- Judging others – gossiping.
- Pride – make decisions based on pride not on the right thing to do.
- Guilt of succeeding – feeling guilty for doing well when others suffer.
- Fear of failing.
- Downplaying – diminishing our success for others.
- Unhealthy habits – most common way that people self-sabotage.
- Being busy – often a distraction.
- Spending time with the wrong people.
- Worrying about irrational fears and least likely outcomes.
Do you do any of these things?
Do you think it’s ever okay to be self-destructive?
I think it is very easy to be self-destructive but for some people this plagues their lives and they can never get anything done for the benefit of their health, career or relationships.
Resistance and being too busy are two ways that I can find myself being self-destructive. There is so much I want to do with my life and sometimes it can be overwhelming. There is so much I want to start now – there is never enough hours in the day. Sometimes I put things off but never to the point where it is actually destructive towards my mental health or success. Maybe that isn’t self-destructive behaviour? What do you think?
I believe it to be quite a complicated concept. An interesting one at that.
The picture I included in today’s post is one that Jacob took a few weeks ago. Such a stunning and interesting picture. I think it depicts missing out on beauty (the moon) through the phone screen. I think this can be applied to the concept of self-destructive behaviour as we are missing out on a world of beauty, life and experiences because we are limiting ourselves to a stable, comfortable life that is never too happy or too sad. You could argue that is no life at all.
We must stop limiting ourselves. You are capable of great, amazing things. All you have to do is get out of your own way.
As always, thank you for reading!
Mairi x
This week’s podcast was a good one. Listen below!
Let's Talk Health with Mairi 